so it's kinda wierd how everything is right now. and i don't know how i feel about it at all. Maybe i changed since before la vida, but at the same time I always say i've changed...but I really don't know if it comes down to it I have.

it's all talk. just feeling a bit lonely. But not sad. Sad for others. Too many people are hurting. Too many people are changing for the worse. People who I thought were better than that, but deep inside I knew that they weren't. It hurts.

I feel that maybe I failed somehow. That I am resposiable.

I just want to sit here and listen to switchfoot forever.

It makes me happy when random people talk to me. I'm happy they did because now i can listen to switchfoot all weekend, before the CD comes out.

I feel terriable inside. I feel like I have changed into this judgemental, snobby girl that isn't friendly anymore. But rather maybe i'm not that bad. For some reason I can't really tolerate large groups of girls right now that are full of hormones. see there I go being mean. and I don't want to feel above them. Because I am not.

and then it is 11:30 and I need to go to sleep.
and I learned a guy from school had a mini-crush on me in hs. Why does that boost your self esteem. Why can't I be content with God, why can't i grasp that his love is enough.
I want to go to deeper. but to do that I have to be vunerable. I don't know if I am ready to do that.